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Almost-Yoga

There are several almost-branches of yoga (associated with Hinduism, Buddhism, or Jainism), but we all know of things that are definitely NOT yoga (reading, and counting stars in the sky, for just two examples). I say this because there are so many things that ARE almost-yoga. This page is here to describe that almost-branch, nay, root, that is probably most-appropriately called almost-yoga.

Almost-yoga is not necessarily just for those learning the almost-art of "real" yoga (almost-contortionism). (Not just for wussies.) Many of these activities and positions can be quite challenging, especially if you almost-hold them for hours (consult your doctor first).

Note: None of the materials you see here have been HazMat rated for use in conjunction with almost-normal almost-yoga activities, and the following activities and positions have not been "approved" by anyone.


Examples:

an almost-yoga

Bagpiping still doesn't count as yoga.


an almost-yoga

Contortionism per se, does not qualify as yoga.


an almost-yoga

Nope, I don't care how "relaxing" you SAY that is.


an almost-yoga

Torture is not a branch of yoga, either.


an almost-yoga

Both the real and figurative "almost-sticking of head up ass" is not yoga, although some seem to be able to hold this position for months at a time.


an almost-yoga

Busting up after falling out of a yoga position is not itself yoga.


an almost-yoga

Any of the awkward positions on the way between your carefully crafted yoga pose and hitting the ground . . . not yoga.


an almost-yoga

Stormtrooper Twister is not yoga (very close though).


an almost-yoga

Hopscotch: Yoga on a sugar binge, perhaps. But not "real" yoga.


an almost-yoga

Almost-tennis is only almost-yoga.


an almost-yoga

Almost-cycling is only almost-yoga.


an almost-yoga

Hotdogging is not really yoga (unlike the "up dog" and "down dog" positions).


an almost-yoga

The "flying locust" position is only almost-yoga.


an almost-yoga

Just leaning backwards slightly is not an official yoga position.


an almost-yoga

A combo: Here is a version of the "flying locust" position where the group is holding hands. Neither "holding hands" nor the "flying locust" are really yoga, and combining the two into a fun activity does not make them more nearly yoga.


an almost-yoga

Any of the almost-poses in zero-gravity are only almost-yoga.


an almost-yoga

The "crouch position" while executed in mid-air does not put the same strain on the muscles that one might expect from a yoga pose, so you might find this kind of thing relaxing . . . but, only almost-yoga.


an almost-yoga

Just hanging out at the beach.


an almost-yoga

Just hanging out in your room near the beach.


an almost-yoga

Just hanging out.

AKA: The "philosopher's pose."


an almost-yoga

Flatulence is almost-allowed almost-everywhere, but it's not really yoga, even if you do strike a pose.


an almost-yoga

Wile E. Coyote
(carnivorous suspendidus)

Posing for the camera almost-alternative (cartoonist) before moving on towards supper. (Almost the "warrior position.")


an almost-yoga

Any one of the real fetal positions.


an almost-yoga

Just doing what everyone else does.


an almost-yoga

Ballet.


an almost-yoga

Both of the positions: "having your cake," and "eating your cake" are only almost-yoga.


an almost-yoga

The "passed out" pose.


an almost-yoga

Holding an almost-world: only almost-yoga.


an almost-yoga

Imitating the Wookie Rage pose.


an almost-yoga

Just reclining on a boat. Or, as depicted here, almost-acting as orca almost-bait: only almost-yoga.


an almost-yoga

Whatever they ask you to do when you're inside the MRI machine: only almost-yoga.


an almost-yoga

Cold yoga (nowhere near "hot yoga"): positioning yourself on the back of a sled and watching the huskies go through their "routine."


an almost-yoga

Any of the almost-cubist almost-positions.


an almost-yoga

Any of the chess positions.


an almost-yoga

A tree stretching backwards . . . is not yoga, even if there is a bear off in the woods watching.


an almost-yoga

What cats do in the afternoon while you're at work, . . . probably not yoga.


an almost-yoga

T-Rex: One of the first to think of breathing as salutary.


 

Class: If you have been studiously following along through all these positions, . . . you can let the air out and breathe almost-normally now.

 


Almost-perfect almost-yoga music: Metallica's Master of Puppets.




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