Almost-Psychology
We are only ever almost-listening, almost-understanding, almost-sure, almost-rational, and . . . almost-thinking. These are the postulates of Almost-Psychology, a fairly new and blossoming almost-science/almost-art.
For those already almost-diagnosed (you've been called "crazy"):
If you previously thought you were obsessive-compulsive, now you are almost-obsessive, or almost-compulsive. Should that make you feel any better about yourself. No. You're still only almost-getting it! That might make you feel almost-better about your almost-self.
If you were previously diagnosed as "co-dependent," now you are almost-dependant.
If someone has told you that you have multiple personalities (that, in effect, sometimes you are "not you," if you can believe that), then believe this instead: now you have an "almost-unified personality." Should that make you feel safer, or "more together" psychologically speaking? No. You still need to find the other almost-yous, and make amends.
If you have previously been diagnosed as paranoid-delusional, it is quite probable that you are only almost-paranoid, or only paranoid almost-all of the time but not at other times, or almost-delusional, or delusional about just a few almost-things.
If you are almost-schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will almost-tell you what to almost-do (think about nearly completing).
If you have previously been diagnosed as "depressed," don't worry, that feeling almost-always goes away.
If you're feeling almost-suicidal right now, . . . there's almost-nothing you can do about that. Just when selecting which bridge to jump off of, pick one that is almost-far away.
If you are prone to hallucinate, how do you know you are almost-here? If you are only almost-hallucinating, then snap out of it! Fee, please.
If you're almost-bipolar, turn off that extremely powerful electromagnet that you have next to you. That's not kid's stuff you're playing with.
If you're almost-bored, lie down on any couch where nobody else is around, speak into the air loudly about what you would RATHER be doing, and then consider doing that.
If you experience almost-hyperactivity, don't eat as much sugar (or any of the almost-sugar containing foods).
If you suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), you might want to re-read this sentence. If you did almost-read the previous sentence and it still didn't help, then re-reading this sentence instead probably ain't gonna help none either; you might as well just continue almost-reading, . . . and almost-living your life in the almost-way. Some say that is the almost-best way to almost-be anyway. Almost-really! And if you can concentrate through the rest of this page, then maybe you only have AADD. See?
If your brain lacks certain hormones (like serotonin, endorphin, dopamine, or norepinephrine), you might be able to almost-order some from India or Canada (almost-here).
If you suffer from near delusions of almost-grandeur, start an almost-site like this one, also promoting the benefits of almost-thinking, almost-speech, almost-psychology, and all this almost-useful stuff.
If you really are almost-crazy, AGGGGGHHHHHH! CD9. BOL. TMTOYH! KUTGW. ROFLOL! TYVM. Keep on being almost-something!
For those NOT already almost-diagnosed: Keep on being almost-something almost-anyway! (As if you have any choice.)
Internet Slang:
CD9 - code 9 (i.e. you boss/parents might be around)
BOL - best of luck
TMTOYH - too much time on your hands
KUTGW - keep up the good work
ROFLOL - rolling on floor laughing out loud
TYVM - thank you very much
