Almost-Psychology

We are only ever almost-listening (paying attention to most of the message), almost-understanding, almost-rational, mostly wise, and making fewer than all of the possible mental links and connections as we think (almost-thinking). These are the postulates of Almost-Psychology, a fairly new and blossoming . . . thingy . . . that is quite scientific (almost-science) and something close to an art form (almost an art) that almost challenges (but doesn't quite) the conventional thinking in Psychology.

We can't all be completely nuts, or perfectly sane. You too just might have some of these almost-psychology attributes:

If you've been diagnosed as "obsessive-compulsive," it is at least possible that on a scale of 1 to 10 you are near the obsessive end (almost-obsessive), and/or somewhat compulsive. That might make you try to think you feel almost-better about the nerve connections inside you—that keeps changing and rearranging and that you affectionately call your "self" (or "almost-self," because you might just almost be "all that you can be").

If you were previously diagnosed as "co-dependent," now you are almost-dependant (on the other).

If someone has told you that you have multiple personalities (that, in effect, sometimes you are "not you," if you can believe that), then believe this instead: now you have an "almost-unified personality." Should that make you feel safer, or "more together" psychologically speaking? No. You still need to find the other almost-yous, and get to almost-know them (you), and find out what makes them almost-tick.

If they said you were "paranoid-delusional," it is quite probable that you are only somewhat paranoid about some things, or only completely paranoid some of the time, or delusional about being paranoid.

If you are almost-schizophrenic, listen carefully and an almost-voice will try to whisper to you from inside your head and tell you what to mostly do (work at, but not completely finish).

If you're depressed, don't worry, that feeling almost always goes away. Still, you can always be more depressed. If you're feeling almost-suicidal, . . . when selecting which bridge to jump off, it would be advisable to pick one that is very far away (and then stop and smell the roses and other things along the way).

If you are prone to hallucinate, how do you know you are almost-here (there, wherever you are)? If you are only almost-hallucinating, then snap out of it! (Snap sound!) Fee, please.

If you're bipolar, turn off that extremely powerful electromagnet that you have next to you. That's not kid's stuff you're playing with.

If you're bored, lie down on any couch where nobody else is around, speak into the air loudly about what you would RATHER be doing, and then consider doing that.

If you're hyperactive, don't eat as much sugar.

If you suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), you might want to re-read this sentence. If you did almost-read the previous sentence and it still didn't help, then re-reading this sentence instead probably ain't gonna help much neither; you might as well just continue almost-reading, . . . and almost-living your life in the almost-way. Some say that is the almost-best way to almost-be anyway. Almost-really! And if you can concentrate through the rest of this page, then maybe you only have AADD. See? (Too much detail, I know.)

If your brain lacks certain hormones (like serotonin, endorphin, dopamine, or norepinephrine), you might be able to order some from India or Canada (over the Internet, from a site near here).

If you suffer from delusions of near-grandeur (longing to be a second-string quarterback, or company vice-president), then take a class in something (but quit before the final exam, of course).

If you really are almost-crazy, AGGGGGHHHHHH! CD9. BOL. TMTOYH! KUTGW. ROFLOL! TYVM.

For those NOT already mostly almost-diagnosed, and especially if you don't fit snugly into any of the above categories, you to may still be doing things the almost-way (never quite finishing anything, never really getting anywhere, etc.). You might stay on the fence on most issues, perhaps leaning on one direction, and then later in a different direction.

Whoever you want to be, you can't really be (either because someone else already is, or because that isn't you yet), but you can try.

Internet Slang:

CD9 - code 9 (i.e. you boss/parents might be around)
BOL - best of luck
TMTOYH - too much time on your hands
KUTGW - keep up the good work
ROFLOL - rolling on floor laughing out loud
TYVM - thank you very much