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The Last Word (almost)

Almost-Xmas

Twas the night of almost-Xmas, and almost-all through the apartment,
not a creature was stirring, not even my fiancee (it almost-rhymes).
We thought we'd hang socks up by the fake chimney with care,
with the hope that St. Nicholas wants to share.

The children next door were all snug in their cots,
and visions of Power Rangers almost-danced (did their moves) in their heads.
Then out on the fire escape there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what's the matter.

With the driver so lively, so jolly, and quick,
I knew in a moment it was that fat guy from "up north" somewhere (and he'd probably been drinking).
He had brought my Maserati, an iPod, and cake;
but didn't leave anything since we were all wide awake (now).
I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,
"Happy almost-Xmas to all, and have an almost-good night!"

Damn that guy!


Types/Categories:

1. Almost-remembered: Someone forgets something relatively important, ruining the festivities.

2. Almost-attended: Someone doesn't quite make it. (They could be sick or in hospital, or perhaps they made other plans at the last minute.)

3. Almost-white: The weatherman was promising snow, but the Grinch stole it.

4. Almost-bilked: Almost-everything you got you either didn't want, or already had.


Examples:

It just might be an almost-Xmas if . . .

 

almost-xmas

Santa is the present (and needs to be potty-trained).


almost-xmas

You don't get any food (only a picture of some food).


almost-xmas

You already have one of whatever the gift is.


almost-xmas

Santa shows up with no presents.


almost-xmas

Santa is a pirate (hoping to make off with more than he came with).


almost-xmas

Rudolph gets sick, and has to be taken to the hospital for x-rays.


almost-xmas

You go for a long walk in the woods, and can't find your way home (and fresh snow covers your tracks so you can't follow them back).


almost-xmas

This is the year you discover that Santa is make-believe.


almost-xmas

Santa knocks off work early to catch a wave (and so doesn't deliver to your house).




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