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The Last Word (almost)

Almost-Lincoln

Almost all the girls these days are going for a new kind of guy: the practically-minded. Showboats and deadbeats are out. Trane air-conditioners now make great engagement presents. That's what they want. Girls are now thinking seriously about the "long haul." They're not looking for a guy who run out of gas. They're not looking for a guy that has his head permanently "under the hood," just one who knows how to deal with what's down there. Bucket seats? They're for single people. And the Crown Victoria is, arguably, the best sedan ever made. Nobody in their right mind would pay the extra for a Lincoln when you can get an Almost-Lincoln at almost-half the price.

Being liberated enough to think of such things, women want to sometimes check under the hood themselves. And what they'll find with the Crown Victoria is nothing but "get up and go." What's in the trunk? Not a single dead body. Does it have a glove box? Yes. That's all you need to know. Insurance will take care of the rest. And white is, arguably, again, the very best color for any vehicle because it is the most visible at night. And clean looking. Very practical.

Girls, if you see a guy driving one of these beauties, he is without question a great catch. They are a rare breed though: like the Marlboro Man, and John Wayne. Ok, you can throw in Clint Eastwood. But that's it. He's a man's man. And he can take care of you. (But will he? Are you woman enough to sit in the passenger seat beside him?)

Guys, what can I say? You should think about getting one of these even if it's just as a "chick magnet" second car; that is, even if you do already have an off-road vehicle for your other manly endeavors.


Types/Categories:

1. There is only one type of Almost-Lincoln: The Crown Victoria. (This is not at all the same as the Mercury Grand Marquis.)


Example:

 

Almost-nice guys almost-finish almost-last.

 


More:

For more, see a Ford dealership near you.


2008 update: You'll have to buy a used one now, because they're only selling them to law enforcement. (And write to Ford and tell them you want a newer one please, for next time.)




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