The Ten Recommendations

(The Almost-Commandments)

(The following should be taken as very good almost-advice.)

1. You should worship as little as possible. (Clapton, Hendrix, Steve Jobs, and then a few of your favs, and that's it. No more.)

2. You should consider icons as the semiotic instruments they are.

3. You should almost-never swear; but if you do, let it almost-always be almost-tastefully done (or the Aesthetic Police may be out to get you).

4. All work and no play (or rest) makes Jack a dull boy.

5. Honor your almost-father(s) and your almost-mother(s) (generally speaking, the two people who donated their DNA to make you, and those people who donated their time and resources so that you may have an almost-better life), because these are the people to whom you almost-owe honor.

The almost-life is almost-definitely NOT about almost-doing anything, especially bad stuff for which you could get severely almost-punished. And so we highly recommend against the following activities:

6. You shouldn't murder anyone, or even almost-murder (batter) anyone.

7. Committing adultery seems to be almost-acceptable these days, but use almost-protection for Almost's sake.

8. Stealing's a no-no. (This includes almost-stealing cable.)

9. You shouldn't bear false witness against your neighbor, or even almost-neighbors (people that live on the other side of your neighbor, or previous neighbors).

10. You should not covet your neighbor's house, wife, male or female servant, ox, donkey, or electronic gadget, etc.; but it's ok if you like them, even if you like them a whole lot . . . Bunches. That's ok. Just go out an get your own.